Windless
Genre: Fiction
In the ancient epoch of the grand Macows, a time when folks of immense depth were as common as grains of sand on a seashore, a certain fraternity of nomadic intellectuals held sway.
They wandered throughout Siaulai, delivering thought-provoking lectures from atop the hallowed Hill of Crosses. The troupe was helmed by a man, wizened yet agile, who for purposes of hierarchy was referred to as The Capo. The Capo’s age, and lineage remained as enigmatic as his inscrutable mien. He was a man of middling stature, neither overweight nor underfed. Categorizing The Capo was an exercise in futility; thus, we shall refrain from doing so. And then there is his prodigious beard. His moustache was akin to the magnificent tusks of a bison, a sight to behold indeed.
He disappeared a long time ago and his disappearance is shrouded in mystery; some whisper tales of him falling prey to a Sumatran tiger. This is a claim I find dubious given the absence of such creatures in the province. The truth is, nobody knows the truth.
The Capo bequeathed a litany of parables contained within the Mayam - the bukud awas dasifu calso (parable of the drums of wisdom), bukud awas da geduin gatzii (parable of the sleepless man), bukud awas daiin jods beej (parable of the dark skies), among countless others. The Mayam, a proper tome spanning 5000 pages, has served as an intellectual guide for the people of Siaulai.
I love several sections of the book, but today I lean towards the book of Capo, Chapter II. This chapter continues to resonate among the Mindaugas, a southwestern province in Siaulai, with its teachings disseminated to each new generation. In my possession is an English translation of this chapter, the nuances of which may have been somewhat lost in the translation process, an unavoidable compromise in the endeavor of linguistic transposition.
Thus, I present to you excerpts from the book of Mayam, Capo 2, verses .I through .XI:
.I In the realm of the Samogitians, there existed those who passed wind, and those who did not - the latter were christened the windless.
.II A wealthy man, in search of matrimony, insisted on marrying a windless woman, a quest that led him to the neighboring towns of Mindaugas.
.III As the years ebbed away without success, the inevitability of his advancing age began to gnaw at him. Yet, hope bloomed anew with the arrival of a Samogitian woman.
.IV She alleged, much to his astonishment, her inability to pass wind. ‘I have tried, tried earnestly,’ she proclaimed, ‘but to no avail.’
.V A courtship ensued.
.VI His inherent skepticism prompted meticulous observations - walks, dinners, picnics, and the like. The absence of sound or scent was noted repeatedly. Gradually, his confidence burgeoned, bolstered by the accumulating evidence.
.VII They finally got married. Upon their marriage, the groom ventured out for the nocturnal rite, led by the Madama, the town’s high priestess. Meanwhile, his wife retreated to the restroom.
.VIII In the midst of his journey, he realized he had forgotten his Tura, a ceremonial cloth required for the ritual. Hurrying back home, he was greeted by an unexpected and unsettling odor. Ignoring the initial wave of revulsion, he ventured further into the home. The acrid scent intensified, nearly suffocating in its potency.
.IX Overwhelmed, he froze, rooted to the spot.
.X The Capo, known for his sagacious conclusions, summarized this parable thusly: "Truly, I say to you, the presence of an absence does not prove absence."
.XI To make matter worse, Capo continued, “And there are no ways to prove absence.”
The story, in its unfolding, stands as an endearing testament to the Capo's pedagogical mastery and the intellectual heritage of Siaulai. The cautionary tale, still prevalent and cherished today, serves as a timely reminder about the perils of hasty assumptions.